How Now Brown Cow?

A brown cow was a nickname for a barrel of beer, specifically in the early 18th century in Scotland. “How now brown cow” was a way of asking for another pint, but I guess nowadays it's used to master vowel sounds in elocution. For whatever reason, that's the phrase that popped into my head upon wake-up today. What shall I say? How shall I say it, once I figure out what to say? Or maybe I should just order up a few barrels of beer, drink the "hangover" away . . .

Let me start here, with a special shoutout to my pup Buddy on this post-election Wednesday morning: he has learned our day starts around 5:30 and his internal clock is flawless. He slides off the bed, comes round to whichever way I'm facing, lays his on the mattress and sighs deeply into my face, all while his tail thumps happily against the wall (it's a small room and he's a big dog, so this works no matter which way I'm facing). I wake with a smile and a delighted laugh, a damn fine way to start every day, but certainly much appreciated this morning since I went to sleep certain Trump would win the election.

So here we are. I'm not surprised. Deeply disappointed, yes. I pine for childhood days where I didn't even know about presidents and politics, when my life was about setting up a new city in my best friend's sandbox and a day spent pushing our little cars around the city we designed. I still remember the day we discovered that wet sand would hold and harden so we could make tunnels for the cars. And we could just make the tunnels, no infrastructure bond measures to pass, no under-the-table deal-making between government and private contractors, just the bliss of play.

Alas, I'm not a child anymore. Well, alas, and also, I'm glad I'm not a child anymore. I am many birthdays beyond childhood, which brings me to a birthday ritual, the annual self-review. I like doing this on my birthday rather than the cultural practice associated with the New Year. The review is a gift to myself, a reminder to be actively creating my life with intention.

This past year was tremendous, full of big changes and clarity and strength. I'd like to share some of this in detail here because it's what's giving me perspective this morning but also, most importantly, self-determined directions for the year ahead, come whatever else.

ATTENTION

The first goal I set at last year's birthday review was to practice attention. Every day I walked the area by my place for at least 45 minutes, a walking meditation really, clearing out the mind muck and tuning my faculties: noticing, listening, sensing, reflecting, being present. This was rather revolutionary, not only for me personally but for how I am around others. I want to pay attention to people, to see them, to listen, to notice, and to do so without filters and preconceived notions. This morning as I was dealing with my first feelings about the election results, I admitted (in my journal and now here) that I hate Trump and I also have a great deal of contempt for all who align with him. Strong words, I know, and feelings I don't like admitting actually. I grew up with the Christian teaching that hatred is the same as murder, an act of violence against another person, and while I don't align with Christianity any longer, I do take hatred seriously and don't want to let it root and grow within me. So I need to do some soul-searching on these feelings, filters, and preconceptions I have: what am I not seeing? What can I do about this filter/preconception through which I view all these people? What do I want others to see in me?

In the coming year, I'm going to continue my attention walks, but also try to aim my attention at other people instead of withdrawing (which is my inclination always and especially right now). It would be far easier for me to go into monk mode for the next four years. I'll choose this more difficult route of practicing paying attention and personal engagement.

SLOW

A second goal I set last year was slowing down: we are organic beings living in a world of ever-increasing speed driven by technological advancement (inorganic, one and all). We are ill-suited from an evolutionary perspective for this. Organic processes and beings evolve slowly; inorganic technologies like the information highway and AI move rapidly. We simply do not have the equipment to manage this barrage which knows far more about our emotions and triggers than we do. It's insidious, sophisticated, without conscience, and requires constant vigilance; even then, we may will a battle here and there, but never the war, metaphorically speaking.

Goals always need specific actionable steps, so the way I decided to practice slowness was by deep reading some classic books. I invited others to join me and to engage in some post-reading discussion. This year, deep reading is a practice I'm doubling-down on, newly motivated by recent fodder: a few weeks ago, I turned to YouTube for a tutorial on the electronics behind HAM radio. In order to watch the 18-minute video, I also had to watch a mandatory 15-second ad every minute or two before I got the ad I could "skip" after five seconds. All the ads were political. After finishing the video on electronics, I felt irritated and angry. Why? The barrage of ads preying on my emotions. Now, I'm unwilling to buy the subscription for ad-free YouTube. I'm also unwilling to have my emotions and mind influenced in this way. A printed book is something I choose to let in, so to speak. Making my selection from the classics gives me the opportunity to consider ideas, the human predicament, situations I may never encounter, etc., and this is a way of resisting the rollercoaster of novelty and immediacy. And a printed book is SLOW TIME for me: I'm not a fast reader anyway, but deep reading is even slower, time to think about what I'm reading and working it through my mind and life experiences instead of just looking for entertainment. Slow is a speed my organic brain can manage. And in all my deep reading this past year, I've intentionally resisted the internet, secondary sources (beyond a dictionary), and any digital forms of the book, simply to give myself the opportunity and practice in wrestling to understand something for myself. Information is NOT truth; just getting the summary of an idea or book isn't the same as coming to a deep understanding, something that can lead to action, change a relationship, impart livable wisdom.

In the coming year, I'm going to increase my deep reading practice. More books, less internet, less information. I'm looking for lasting wisdom and to slow down as an act of resistance, being my counter-cultural curmudgeonly self.

FREEDOM

The American historian Timothy Snyder was making the rounds this past year with ideas he elaborated in his book, On Tyranny. One of the many insights I gleaned from him was about freedom: contra the "live free or die" motto and running for the hills with one's family to hunker down, he encourages us to think about the daily work of creating the conditions for freedom (a positive delineation of "freedom for" as opposed to the negative version "freedom from"). I think most people experience the feeling of helplessness or paralysis about the big world stage or national trends or biggies like doing something about climate change/chaos. Those feelings lead to ceding power, which is what tyranny wants and needs to thrive. Instead, Snyder urges intentional actions aimed at creating these conditions for freedom. He gives some examples like coaching your kid's Little League team.

Everything we do every day is an exercise of the values we hold. I think time spent clarifying those values (for ourselves) and making sure there is alignment between action and what we profess to believe is time well spent. Instead of letting our lives be swept along by habits, on autopilot, or by reacting to other people's decisions, we choose: choose at least one way you are going to actively pursue the creation of the conditions for freedom FOR ALL, not just for yourself. Ex: coaching Little League, so kids can choose to play baseball or not.

This past year, my employment with higher education ended, and not just with a specific iteration of that institution but with any idea of seeking employment with higher ed ever again. I am a big believer in education, especially diligent autodidactic approaches and ongoing, life-long learning, but I'm no longer a fan of what's happening with the education system. As with the religious institution, I jumped ship instead of staying to work for change from within. I deeply respect those who do that kind of work, like those who ante up for duty within the political system to work for change, but I'm not one of those people. I am, however, eager to be actively engaged in helping people in some way, and for me, that's Search and Rescue.

My mom recently expressed that she didn't understand why people even go to these places (like mountains or caves) where they get into trouble and cause others to have to put their time, money, and lives on the line to try to rescue them. This is not an uncommon view. My own view: this is a "freedom for"--the freedom to do something stupid (like going on a hike without water or proper clothing or letting someone know where you are) or the freedom for pursuing a physical challenge despite the risks. Someone else needs to coach Little League, someone else needs to run for public office, and I, I will show up at 2am to haul an injured hiker off a mountain. I will do it without getting paid and without asking who the hiker voted for. I will do it because I can and because I believe these are things that freedom is for, what life is for.

This coming year, I'm going to resist the feelings of despair and powerlessness by actively creating the conditions for freedom, through SAR, yes, but also through attention and deep reading. I'm sure I'll do other things as well, but these three areas are what I'll measure and monitor and practice. I'm going to live these values which align with the kind of world I want to live in, try to become the sort of human I want to be around, if that makes sense. Join me, will you? And take heart, my friends. Keep your power and use it for good.